Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Novel Graveyard

Since it's raining and I'm not sure if it will ever stop, I figured I'd sulk around the house and go through the novel graveyard. I have something to share with you!! It's from an early story called SERVED COLD. I only made it as far as the first chapter, but I'll be honest, I have a soft spot for this one. What do you think??? (this is from an unedited manuscript)

Chapter 1

I once knew a guy whose girlfriend drowned in a river while they were rafting. He was totally messed up. But that didn’t stop me from dating him. No. Not a chance. Because that’s what I did. I dated the non-committals. Not on purpose. At least not until now.

It was my New Year’s Resolution to date every jerk in the school. To do it knowingly so that I could screw them over. Break their hearts. So that it wouldn’t happen to me again. So that it wouldn’t happen to other girls. I thought of myself as a crusader, really. Like Super Chick, but without a cape.

And I just found my first victim…er, date. Marc Jackson. Yes, Marc with a c. Such a tool. I’d heard he dumped his last girlfriend at the junior prom so that he could hook up with the foreign exchange student. And since Helga went back to the Ukraine, it left Marc prowling the sophomore’s hallway.

I slid on an extra gleam of Cherry lip-gloss. I couldn’t wait to get started.


The sophomore hallway was crowded like usual. I think they felt cool when they were late to class, but the seniors knew the deal. Hit all your classes and get early release. Being cool meant NOT being in school.

I saw Marc near the lockers, his dark hair hanging over his eye as he bent over a giggly girl with braces. He looked like a predator. Like Dateline would jump out at any second to do an exclusive on him. I cringed just thinking about being nice to him. But Giggles over there looked totally caught up. I couldn’t walk away now.

I stalked over in his direction. Then just before I reached him, I extended into a graceful prance, like I just NEEDED to talk to him.

“Hey, Marc,” I said.

He glanced over quickly and then did a double take. He wasn’t used to me talking to him. In fact, when I won the homecoming crown this year, he slapped my ass when he walked by. At the time I cussed him out and let my boyfriend (not the river-survivor one. The one who was really in love with his cousin) punch him in the gut. Guys like Marc were the scum of the Earth. Even below my usual dating class.

“Well, Abigail Anderson. Are you lost?” He was being condescending. Trent should have hit him harder.

“Not lost,” I said, careful to curl a blonde strand around my finger. See, Marc wouldn’t be hard to fool. He had the every-girl-wants-me complex. If anything, the more over the top, the more believable. “I wanted to talk to you for a sec,” I said.

Giggles made a small squeak but when I looked at her, she avoided my gaze. That hurt a little. Being seen as a stealer. Like I was ruining her only chance with a senior hottie. But what she didn’t know was that I was saving her. Saving her from being this week’s locker-room joke. Saving her from looking into her bedroom mirror and crying, wondering what she did wrong.

Yeah. I’d been there. More than a few times.

Marc grinned at me and stepped forward without so much as a glance back at the girl he’d been trying to lure. “What can I do for you, Abby?”


“I was wondering if you wanted to workout with me in the gym. I need a good personal trainer.” Now, I wasn’t a big exerciser, but Marc loved it. When he wasn’t trying to score, he was lifting weights. A little investigation went a long way.

“Really?” he asked. “I never see you at the gym.”

Giggles trotted away and I could imagine her sitting all through her next class, plotting my death, but I focused on Marc’s patchy facial hair.

“I’m shy,” I said. “I don’t like people to see me sweat.” That was actually sort of true.

“Aw… that’s cute.”


“All right, baby,” he said. “I’ll get sweaty with you.”

Double gross. Did he actually think this was charming?

“Great.” I nearly gagged on my words. “I’ll meet you after school then?”

“Definitely.” I nodded and turned around, his eyes like a laserbeam on my ass. Then I trotted down the hallway just as the bell rang. I had some plans to make.


Sara said...

I LIKE IT. I'm pretty sure that's one that you could develop into a pretty awesome story... :D *crosses fingers that one day you'll finish it*

Suzanne Young said...

Oh, thanks Sara! I do like this one. Of course she'd eventually fall for the last "jerk" on her list. haha

Alicia said...

Ha! I totally loved that! You should finish it one day.

Kari (Flamingo1325) said...

Hmm.... between this and TNL books, I am beginning to think you have a thing against the male species =P Your hubs must be a very good guy. Oh. Wait. He buys decaf.

But, seriously, loved it. I grinned from the first line- most definitely catching. And the he loved his cousin part made me laugh loud. And as with TNL... the voice is fantastic, pulling the reader in from the start. So, why didn't you finish this one? And why are you so naturally talented?

jone said...

I like it. Put it in a drawer and let it simmer. Worth keeping.

holly cupala said...

Love this: "I thought of myself as a crusader, really. Like Super Chick, but without a cape." Bellissima! or, as the word verification says, "ZINGSA."

Beverley BevenFlorez said...

I loved it! The 2nd paragraph really hooked me. Now go finish it! ;)

Amy Baskin said...

Your aside kills me! "...(not the river-survivor one. The one who was really in love with his cousin)..."

Emily J. Griffin said...

"All right, baby, I'll get sweaty with you." Totally creeping me out. Douche McGouche.

Jennie Englund said...

As always, I'm envious of your dialogue.

New blog! Nice!

Anonymous said...

This is really good! Hope you can finish it so I can read it!

lkmadigan said...

I'm hooked.

I hope you finish it someday.